lightly toasted

my skin
lightly toasted, compliments of boracay, philippines
the most beautiful beach island i've EVER EVER EVER seen in my life...

i'm in love with the sand, that looks and feels like flour
i'm in love with the water, so clean and clear and cool
i'm in love with the sun, and the color of my lightly toasted skin
i love boracay~~~~



this trip was definitely worth the time and money spent
although i wished that more friends could have come with
still, it was pretty amazing...
the talking, chilling, hanging out
the drinking, dares and stupid games
the bikini, the sun, the beach
the food, the rides, the walks




although it's got me thinking....
but i've decided to ignore it for now
we all gotta do whatever makes us feel good
i'm feeling good right now



i got to see arlene,
although it was only for a day
still it reminded me of why i liked her and why we stayed friends,
as far apart and as different as we are....
although we've known each other for 10 years but have hung out no more than maybe 5 times...?
still....
some friends, you just keep, you just know you'll stay friends
and THAT is amazing, too!



the summer is approaching....
.....
dayamn....
i've got ants up my pants...
not literally, of course...

it's been a while, so...a belated happy holidays to everyone and may all ur 2007 be nothin less than FABULOUS

so...i'm ok, i'm ok, cuz even when i'm not ok, it's ok, cuz it's perfectly ok to not be ok, cuz it happens, that happens and it's ok cuz u'll find a way to pick urself up and anticipate the next fall, so till the next time that i'm not ok, i'm ok.....

i suppose i've always thought of myself as the type of person that just goes with the flow
but lately i find myself analyzing way too much...
trying to hard to figure out the kind of person that i am
only to drown in confusion, even more

since i've come to truly know myself
getting comfortable in my own skin
having real confidence as a whole
i've always wanted to just BE
just do whatever the hell i wanted to do
cuz i honestly don't give a shiet about what "other" people think of me
and i guess i've been pretty good at stickin to that
cuz people believe that about me...

the more these ramdom thought float in my head
the more i tend to over analyze things, situations, people, myself
only to find that, i am, in fact, BOUND
bound by morals
bound by family
bound by relationships and friendships
bound by potentials and predispositions
bound by the infinite hypocrisy and contradictions
bound by all the insecurities and fears of being someone that i maybe don't want to be...
HUH??!!
exactly....

so...
in conclusion
i need freedom
to be free
and i know you can't possible be really free, not in all aspects
cuz somehow you'll always be connected to certain things and certain people
but i need to be free
free from the things that i can be free of at this stage in my life
i need to just break the bindings
and be free
be free to just go with the flow
and be my youthful self
to just GO with the flow, roll with the punches
go
flow
so....
i guess whoever's in my way...
i'll just have to sweep you up along for the ride
cuz ur in the flow
and i'm just going
with the flow

we just all have to find ways to make ourselves happy

so sick

so sick of the situation, family drama, when is it gonna be over......

why is it so hard just to be happy, and stay happy

how come when i'm smiling i feel sadness......

so sick of being the one to handle things, cuz even when everybody else says "it's not your problem", it's still ON ME! so sick of everything, i just want everything to be NORMAL, everybody else to be normal...... so i can run away....

don't worry about me, i'm strong enough.......

 ｉ　ａｍ　ｆｉｎｅ......

i really am fine.... i mean i'm tired and a lot of things frustrate me and piss me off and i have my lows and migraines but  I     AM     FINE

it's just all a learning process..... i've had so many sudden realizations and i've learned so much....sometimes, you just have to learn to be fine

it's ok when you're not fine, and you take whatever you need, you take that cuz you need it, but in the end, you're fine, and that's all that matters....

ｉ　ｈｏｐｅ　ａｌｌ　ｏｆ　ｙｏｕ　ａｒｅ　ｆｉｎｅ　ｔｏｏ！

so...there....back to where i started

but a different mind set.....

so, it was causing me too much pain and grief, and i'd do anythin to not feel like that so...yes, maybe, taking the easy way is the wrong way but fuggit, come what may, i can't deal with it anymore...it's too frustrating, so whatever, i just don't wanna feel like that...i hope WE never have to feel like that ever, though it seems inevitable and we're just procrastinating....

i'm so WEAK, i suck, so i guess, i'm just gonna have to be this semi bad person....

whatever...fuggit, i'm just mumbling, i don't make sense...too many thoughts colliding at the same time.....